The room was cold, as always. Empty, damp, black as the night, and even darker. Everything was as usual. The little desk, the floor, the huge windows, the night life below them. Everything.
Andrew was again looking down at the world, at all the little ants working, clubbing, living and dieing. His face was pale from the lack of sleep, the lights, and the many days he was at home and never went out at day.
He let out a small sigh.
"Our world runs on irony." He said.
Solidus, who was now standing beside hims smirked.
"Poetic justice." he said.
Andrew shook his head.
"Different names for the same thing." Then he smirked as well.
Some moments passed. Then Andrew broke the silence once more.
"I wake up, every day. And every day, I feel as bad as one could feel if someone close to them had died. Yet no one has. And I don't know. Why does my heart feel so bad? Why do I feel so empty inside? Why is it that I feel an inexplicable burden inside my chest? And why is it that I haven't cried yet?"
Solidus' smirk fainted.
"Young one. You are most unlike all the others. When everyone else drank beverages and thought of models and the like scum, you sat and you wrote poems about pure, passionate love."
"While everyone else looked at fancy clothes, cars and jewelery to make their spiritual emptiness seem less, you sat alone in a dark room thinking about what can be done to reach spiritual awakening and help others free themselves as well."
"When everyone else thought that they were chained down and striped of their freedom, it was you (although with the help of Quetzalcoatl) who told them that freedom is there, and that they simply haven't thought of reaching it."
"You always knew without knowing. You always saw without looking. Therefore you must know by now, and I am sure that I need not remind you, that everything comes at a price. If you are unable to bear the consequences, then you must surely die, either spiritually or physically. As they say, 'if you want to make an omelet, you have to break some eggs'."
Andrew nodded. And waited for Solidus to carry on.
"When you wake up, and you feel as though the world has forsaken you, it is merely another small, yet seemingly gigantic obstacle set in your path. You should not give in to your sorrow, and you know that, yet still you do. And as you delve deeper in the doom of your own thoughts and feelings, you find that you have died."
"And when you died, again without knowing it, you emerged from your own dusts, resurrected like the Phoenix. Stronger. Faster. Better. More capable. So it was, and so it will be. Until, of course, you reach Awakening at last. "
"As for the burden you feel in your chest, and the emptiness that you have allowed to come over you, there is only one remedy, though when you reach for it it slips away, and when finally you turn your gaze elsewhere, it comes back to sit at your finger, like a beautiful butterfly bearing the salt of the earth."
Andrew was still looking outside, though he was lost in Solidus' words. Then his lips parted and he said in a low voice:
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
Solidus nodded.
"It all comes down to that, doesn't it?" Andrew asked.
"Until further notice, yes." Solidus smirked.
Andrew thought of all this for a moment.
"When was it, dear Solidus? When was it that we met for the very first time? I was such a naive fool then.."
"It was apparently four or five years ago. And you were no fool, judging from everyone else. You can trust me on that. Not every ten-year-old has the ability to create a universe in its head, or make it rain or arrange for certain things to happen."
Andrew's eyes half closed, and his eyebrows united in an angry look, which soon faded.
"I wonder.. How many others like me there are.."
"Not many, I can assure you. But that doesn't mean you're better than them. You are just different. Get cocky and you lose it all."
They nodded, still not looking at each other.
In the background, Chris let out a wail of lament.
What goes around comes around.
As above so below.
It' only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.
Only after disaster can we be resurrected.
Same thing, different names, Andrew thought.
Σάββατο, 29 Σεπτεμβρίου 2007
Κυριακή, 23 Σεπτεμβρίου 2007
Part Seven: Memory
"If you keep it up like this, you're gonna end slicing your wrist or something." Solidus said.
Fox raised his head enough to look at the one who spoke to him. He let a small sigh, and he shrugged. Then he opened his mouth again and again, but the words didn't come out until the third or fourth time. He was merely a step away from crying.
"I.. I can't help it. I don't know. I am an idiot. And I recognize that in my self. Alright? I just.. I..." He left a small whine.
Solidus rolled his eyes.
"Oh, do come on. There is only so much a man can take."
"That's exactly what I'm talking about!"
"No. I am talking about your excessive whining and bitching about some lost or unanswered love. I mean, at least, if you're gonna cry, then do it. Go on. That's fine with me and you know it. I endorse crying and the shedding of tears. It brings people closer to their salvation and freedom."
Fox lowered his head again.
"I... Can't.. Cry.."
Solidus was clearly losing his patience.
There was the sound of a bottle breaking, and occasionally the shouting of "For gods' sakes!" from a little behind the two.
Andrew walked in front of both of them, holding another bottle of beer, and he went and sat at the desk's chair, putting his feet on the desk.
They were both looking at him.
"Wha'? Y'got a pro'lem wi' that?" Was Andrew's response to their stare, and then he drunk the whole bottle nonstop. He kept sucking for some time, and he had to shake it a bit to realize that it was in fact empty.
"Aaaaahhh shit." He went to get another one, and soon after he had five bottles on him.
The other two looked down.
"There. See what I mean? When one is down, the other is down too. Get over it. It's the only way. People change. Shit happens." Solidus said after a while.
"No. The people I know, the ones that I'm sad for, they never change their beliefs and habits. They only shed their skin and make a new, different colored one." Fox replied.
"Cheers to that." Andrew said in the background. "By the way, where the heck is Chris?"
"Master." Came a voice from behind him. It surprised him so much he spat his beer on his legs in front of him and let the bottle fall on his shirt.
"Damn! I've told you not to do that when I'm feeling down!"
"Master." Was Chris's reply.
"Guys, what is it all about? Seriously now."
They looked at each other.
"I miss her. A lot. As a friend, as a lover, as a spirit, as a whole existence. I miss her smile, her frown, her warmth, her cold, her hug, her voice, her eyes, her attention, the little slices of her madness, the random little bits, all the good and the relatively bad moments we've had. Everything." Said Fox, still looking down.
Andrew shrugged, and then said "Cheers to that" again. Then he opened another bottle using the ring we wore on his thumb.
"You know.. I love. I know that. I love. now what does that make me? A transmitter. And what completes a transmitter? A receiver. And there is no one in that position. In short. I feel that no one wants this love. Therefore, I. Feel. Useless. I need someone to love. I need someone to love me back. I need the circuit to be complete again. The 1 and the 0. The Man and the Woman. The Moon and the Sun. Sol And Luna."
Solidus laughed as theatrically as he could.
"Listen to you. You were the one that said 'we must hit bottom', 'we want to hit bottom', 'we'll hit bottom', 'it's only after disaster that we can be ressurected'. And now you're crying over the loss of something, even if that something possesses the high place of love. You said, 'you wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs'. And yet you're crying over that egg." Solidus said.
"Thing is, there is no omelet."
"That's because, you spoiled it. You couldn't wait. You went and fucked everything up."
"Hey hey hey." Andrew interrupted him, "We had no other choice. No reasonable one, anyway. You know how it was. You know how it would be. Things had to be like they are now. Eventually. "
"Exactly!" Solidus grinned. "Therefore, if things were meant to be that way, and it was actually your choice, stop going on and on about it. Carry on with your life. Where you are now, you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like. Stop trying to control everything and just give up."
Fox nodded.
Chris too.
Andrew let out a big belch, and he threw the bottle on the floor, some distance away from him. Then, he got up, he started to loosen up his shoes, he removed them, and then did the same to his socks.
"What are you-?"
"-Sh. Sh sh sh." Andrew had his eyes closed now, as he walked towards the broken pieces of glass that had fallen like a diamond storm on the floor. He walked, and everyone could hear the uniting of flesh and glass. And he walked. And then he walked some more. And when he finally he passed the whole field of glass shards, he let a small grunt, and started falling to his front.
Chris grabbed him before he fell to the floor, and carried his sleeping body to a nearby bed, where he silently lied Andrew down, made his bed, and removed the shards from his feet, one by one.
The others watched.
A thunder was heard in the background and shortly after, rain was heavily falling down.
It was red.
Fox raised his head enough to look at the one who spoke to him. He let a small sigh, and he shrugged. Then he opened his mouth again and again, but the words didn't come out until the third or fourth time. He was merely a step away from crying.
"I.. I can't help it. I don't know. I am an idiot. And I recognize that in my self. Alright? I just.. I..." He left a small whine.
Solidus rolled his eyes.
"Oh, do come on. There is only so much a man can take."
"That's exactly what I'm talking about!"
"No. I am talking about your excessive whining and bitching about some lost or unanswered love. I mean, at least, if you're gonna cry, then do it. Go on. That's fine with me and you know it. I endorse crying and the shedding of tears. It brings people closer to their salvation and freedom."
Fox lowered his head again.
"I... Can't.. Cry.."
Solidus was clearly losing his patience.
There was the sound of a bottle breaking, and occasionally the shouting of "For gods' sakes!" from a little behind the two.
Andrew walked in front of both of them, holding another bottle of beer, and he went and sat at the desk's chair, putting his feet on the desk.
They were both looking at him.
"Wha'? Y'got a pro'lem wi' that?" Was Andrew's response to their stare, and then he drunk the whole bottle nonstop. He kept sucking for some time, and he had to shake it a bit to realize that it was in fact empty.
"Aaaaahhh shit." He went to get another one, and soon after he had five bottles on him.
The other two looked down.
"There. See what I mean? When one is down, the other is down too. Get over it. It's the only way. People change. Shit happens." Solidus said after a while.
"No. The people I know, the ones that I'm sad for, they never change their beliefs and habits. They only shed their skin and make a new, different colored one." Fox replied.
"Cheers to that." Andrew said in the background. "By the way, where the heck is Chris?"
"Master." Came a voice from behind him. It surprised him so much he spat his beer on his legs in front of him and let the bottle fall on his shirt.
"Damn! I've told you not to do that when I'm feeling down!"
"Master." Was Chris's reply.
"Guys, what is it all about? Seriously now."
They looked at each other.
"I miss her. A lot. As a friend, as a lover, as a spirit, as a whole existence. I miss her smile, her frown, her warmth, her cold, her hug, her voice, her eyes, her attention, the little slices of her madness, the random little bits, all the good and the relatively bad moments we've had. Everything." Said Fox, still looking down.
Andrew shrugged, and then said "Cheers to that" again. Then he opened another bottle using the ring we wore on his thumb.
"You know.. I love. I know that. I love. now what does that make me? A transmitter. And what completes a transmitter? A receiver. And there is no one in that position. In short. I feel that no one wants this love. Therefore, I. Feel. Useless. I need someone to love. I need someone to love me back. I need the circuit to be complete again. The 1 and the 0. The Man and the Woman. The Moon and the Sun. Sol And Luna."
Solidus laughed as theatrically as he could.
"Listen to you. You were the one that said 'we must hit bottom', 'we want to hit bottom', 'we'll hit bottom', 'it's only after disaster that we can be ressurected'. And now you're crying over the loss of something, even if that something possesses the high place of love. You said, 'you wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs'. And yet you're crying over that egg." Solidus said.
"Thing is, there is no omelet."
"That's because, you spoiled it. You couldn't wait. You went and fucked everything up."
"Hey hey hey." Andrew interrupted him, "We had no other choice. No reasonable one, anyway. You know how it was. You know how it would be. Things had to be like they are now. Eventually. "
"Exactly!" Solidus grinned. "Therefore, if things were meant to be that way, and it was actually your choice, stop going on and on about it. Carry on with your life. Where you are now, you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like. Stop trying to control everything and just give up."
Fox nodded.
Chris too.
Andrew let out a big belch, and he threw the bottle on the floor, some distance away from him. Then, he got up, he started to loosen up his shoes, he removed them, and then did the same to his socks.
"What are you-?"
"-Sh. Sh sh sh." Andrew had his eyes closed now, as he walked towards the broken pieces of glass that had fallen like a diamond storm on the floor. He walked, and everyone could hear the uniting of flesh and glass. And he walked. And then he walked some more. And when he finally he passed the whole field of glass shards, he let a small grunt, and started falling to his front.
Chris grabbed him before he fell to the floor, and carried his sleeping body to a nearby bed, where he silently lied Andrew down, made his bed, and removed the shards from his feet, one by one.
The others watched.
A thunder was heard in the background and shortly after, rain was heavily falling down.
It was red.
Παρασκευή, 21 Σεπτεμβρίου 2007
Part Six,B: Sleep.
I open my eyes, and feel the warmth of waking up, and the burden that it is.
I arise, I walk around. A walking, talking zombie. My pc is on.
Wow.
I open up msn. Why do i still do that again? Oh, yeah. Right.
"I awaiteth the ressurection of the dead", or something like that. I read that in greek anyway.
My eyes are not fully open, and I half wish i hadn't slept, or that i had insomnia or something like that. I stare at the computer screen, and suddenly the msn window opens. Did I open that? Oh, yeah. Right.
Nobody's in. If I expected the opposite, then I would surely be crazier than i am now. I still stare at the screen. I play around with my desktop and its folders. Oh, the glorious joy of doing nothing.
Too bad i can't see it anywhere.
I look at my watch. A second later, I can't remember what i just saw. I look at my watch again. And again, and again, and again. I can't seem the information to stay in my brain for more than two seconds.
It's one of those days again..
I realize my mouth is open, contrary to my half closed eyes. I click my way through some folders and a song starts playing.
"Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to, Strawberry Fields..."
Take me.
Deliver me.
I don't want to be alone anymore.
I am just so bored and tired.
This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.
"Hi Andy!! How are you?" That's my 23 year old cousin. Her name is Debby, and I don't remember if she really is that old.
Hi Deb. I'm doin' alright. You?
"I'm ok, a little tired from classes, but I'm better now." She smiles.
I laugh. I know, I say. School is equally annoying, boring, and time-wasting.
She nods and says, lunchtime's in 10 minutes.
I nod as well, my eyes still half closed and my mouth starting to look normal again.
Did I go to school today? No, wait. Let me rephrase that. What day is it today?
Some seconds pass.
Friday.
I look outside and it's afternoon, and therefore I must have gone to school. I must have taken the bullshit from the skinny, body-builder-like old lady who decided that what she said instantly was, or became interesting. I must have half fallen asleep whilst listening to the short, fat old man with the large moustache that seems to have gotten the idea that physics is a good subject, most probably during a not so good wank-off. I must have decided to take a two-hour break from the bullocks that pass for education, and sat down and cleared my mind looking in the sky and singing the first thing that came to my head.
After all, it's afternoon.
This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.
My eyes open just a little more, so that now everything is a little less blurry.
I close my eyes, and when I open them again, I look down and i see an empty plate with some leftovers in it, I look around and I see mom, dad, and my cousin sitting round the table.
Had I eaten? What did I eat? Am I hungry?
I look at the fridge. It is amusing how it can have so many things in it, but not a single thing for me.
"What are you doing? You just ate." That's mom.
I just wanted some water. Fridge door's closed. So are my eyes, and again when I open them I am sitting in my chair, and staring at my computer's screen again. It seems that me and Quetz were talking about something. I try to shrug.
"So, we're on for tonight?"
What?
"tonight, man. Sleepover at my house."
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'll be there.
My arms feel weak. I look at my watch. I can remember the time I just saw this time. It's 17:49 and 46 seconds.
Wow.
And I tilt my head back, and I pinch the bridge of my nose. And I can't stop thinking about her. Her, with her gorgeous little face, with one of the best characters (if not the best). I can't stop thinking about her. One of my friends says I'm in love. I don't know. I think I am. I got all the symptoms, my friend says. I get lost in my thoughts very often, I feel lonely all the time, especially when I am between others. I think of a certain person too much.
I am Little Monstrous Andy's complete lack of surprise. Or feelings, for that matter.
Today is simply not my day.
"The magical mystery tour is coming to take you away, take you today..."
Pfff.
I wish.
I arise, I walk around. A walking, talking zombie. My pc is on.
Wow.
I open up msn. Why do i still do that again? Oh, yeah. Right.
"I awaiteth the ressurection of the dead", or something like that. I read that in greek anyway.
My eyes are not fully open, and I half wish i hadn't slept, or that i had insomnia or something like that. I stare at the computer screen, and suddenly the msn window opens. Did I open that? Oh, yeah. Right.
Nobody's in. If I expected the opposite, then I would surely be crazier than i am now. I still stare at the screen. I play around with my desktop and its folders. Oh, the glorious joy of doing nothing.
Too bad i can't see it anywhere.
I look at my watch. A second later, I can't remember what i just saw. I look at my watch again. And again, and again, and again. I can't seem the information to stay in my brain for more than two seconds.
It's one of those days again..
I realize my mouth is open, contrary to my half closed eyes. I click my way through some folders and a song starts playing.
"Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to, Strawberry Fields..."
Take me.
Deliver me.
I don't want to be alone anymore.
I am just so bored and tired.
This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.
"Hi Andy!! How are you?" That's my 23 year old cousin. Her name is Debby, and I don't remember if she really is that old.
Hi Deb. I'm doin' alright. You?
"I'm ok, a little tired from classes, but I'm better now." She smiles.
I laugh. I know, I say. School is equally annoying, boring, and time-wasting.
She nods and says, lunchtime's in 10 minutes.
I nod as well, my eyes still half closed and my mouth starting to look normal again.
Did I go to school today? No, wait. Let me rephrase that. What day is it today?
Some seconds pass.
Friday.
I look outside and it's afternoon, and therefore I must have gone to school. I must have taken the bullshit from the skinny, body-builder-like old lady who decided that what she said instantly was, or became interesting. I must have half fallen asleep whilst listening to the short, fat old man with the large moustache that seems to have gotten the idea that physics is a good subject, most probably during a not so good wank-off. I must have decided to take a two-hour break from the bullocks that pass for education, and sat down and cleared my mind looking in the sky and singing the first thing that came to my head.
After all, it's afternoon.
This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.
My eyes open just a little more, so that now everything is a little less blurry.
I close my eyes, and when I open them again, I look down and i see an empty plate with some leftovers in it, I look around and I see mom, dad, and my cousin sitting round the table.
Had I eaten? What did I eat? Am I hungry?
I look at the fridge. It is amusing how it can have so many things in it, but not a single thing for me.
"What are you doing? You just ate." That's mom.
I just wanted some water. Fridge door's closed. So are my eyes, and again when I open them I am sitting in my chair, and staring at my computer's screen again. It seems that me and Quetz were talking about something. I try to shrug.
"So, we're on for tonight?"
What?
"tonight, man. Sleepover at my house."
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'll be there.
My arms feel weak. I look at my watch. I can remember the time I just saw this time. It's 17:49 and 46 seconds.
Wow.
And I tilt my head back, and I pinch the bridge of my nose. And I can't stop thinking about her. Her, with her gorgeous little face, with one of the best characters (if not the best). I can't stop thinking about her. One of my friends says I'm in love. I don't know. I think I am. I got all the symptoms, my friend says. I get lost in my thoughts very often, I feel lonely all the time, especially when I am between others. I think of a certain person too much.
I am Little Monstrous Andy's complete lack of surprise. Or feelings, for that matter.
Today is simply not my day.
"The magical mystery tour is coming to take you away, take you today..."
Pfff.
I wish.
Κυριακή, 16 Σεπτεμβρίου 2007
Part Six: Mirror.
Andrew was out, going to pay a visit to Quetz.
Smirking and walking in a fast pace, he thought about what would really be done that night. He thought of Iris, he thought of Quetz, he thought about Jack, Fox and the others.
Reaching the doorstep he closed his eyes and lifted his head, which was something that helped him calm. Though he didn't have a clue when was the first time he actually thought of doing that, or when it was that it actually calmed him for the first time.
He rang the doorbell. Not long after, Quetz's brother opened the door, greeted Andrew with a smile, and showed him that both Quetz and Iris were downstairs.
I am Jack's Complete lack of surprise, Andrew thought.
He nodded, and Quetz's brother vanished from sight in a few seconds. Then, Andrew descended the stairs and went to the small and a little damp room he has come to know eyes closed, love with half his brain and half his heart, and get used to as if it was his own room.
He knocked and entered. When you enter a room that you consider yours, you never wait for any other person's approval.
The moment he opens the door, Iris was on the other side, like him thinking she was the only one opening the door at the moment. They hugged. Andrew closed his eyes for about a second, then opened them again and looked at Quetz. A serious look in their face, they nodded.
Once the embrace was over, they sat down and started to talk.
"I'm so happy!" Iris says.
Again, I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
"We did it! We called forth Ignatius!"
Andrew turned to look at Quetz. Supposing that they thought Cornelius was the key to everything, he didn't look so happy, or calm for that matter.
"I didn't see him. I didn't hear him. Iris did all the job. She saw him. She talked to him. She heard him." Quetz announced. Of all the times he talked, 80% of it seemed as if he was announcing something, rather than talking to you about it. His word was law. But laws are to be changed, updated or deleted, accordingly.
Andrew turns his head towards Iris.
She opened her mouth to say something, but again Quetz was the one speaking.
"One and a bloody half hour. Of what? Of an idiotic treasure-hunt! He -if what Iris is true- was mocking as, playing with us, telling us absurd riddles and telling us what we already know. One. And a half. Hours. Walking around blindly looking for a pin in hay. I don't need this. We want clear, straight up answers. We are only going to do this one more time and if the same things happen, then it's over. I have neither the time nor the mood to keep this thing up."
Andrew shrugged and rolled his eyes a bit.
"We have decided-"
Raven came in through the door.
I am Jack's misinformed negligence.
Raven greets us all with his professional little smile. Andrew always thought that his name didn't suit him. Raven is a cool name for a goth. For a metalhead. For a forgotten artist that used to play dark music after midnight, so loud the neighbors all called the police at the same time. But he, he was not any of these. He was the exact opposite. A preacher of holiness and divination, a priest-angel that was here to commune with his god, or God according to him, and to unlock the secrets of magic as well.
Raven.
He did wear black though, and he was tall and slim. Maybe that was it, Andrew thought.
The important thing was that he was in front of them, and he was waiting for something.
"Sit." Quetz showed him a chair. Raven Sat.
"As I was saying, we are here together to try again. One last time."
He went on and on and on. Things they all knew. Things they all concluded to, maybe not so long ago.
Andrew was lost in his thoughts: Ignatius. Iris. Jack. At some point, he saw them all stand up and figured it was time for that last try. But no. Quetz wanted something more.
"We need a symbol of clarity. A symbol that will allow us to see him, hear him, talk to him, and for him to tell us the truth, clearly, and without riddles."
Iris looked at him.
"What I mean is, if you are the only one that sees and hears him, then boom. All gone. We want to have communication with him. All of us."
Iris nodded.
I am Jack's wall-breaking boredom and tiredness.
"No." Andrew said.
"What we need is a way to store more energy. If you did your best, and still Ignatius was comprehended by only Iris, then we need to add more energy and help him help us. More energy, more Ignatius. Simple, and as always underneath our noses."
Quetz agreed. Iris too. Raven couldn't dream of disagreeing.
It was decided then. Using their new resources they started again.
Andrew looked at them. They all closed their eyes. Quetz made some signs in the air, but he must have been joking, because they were -seemingly- random, and he was half laughing. Raven was taking his usual stance, as if he had killed a thousand men and craved redemption. Iris was stretched over on Quetz's bed, and she too had her eyes closed.
All of them, each one using a different gesture, were pointing towards the large, charcoal-drawn symbol. If someone had watched them, he would laugh his heart out. If that certain someone decided to stay long enough for this to end, he would consider himself changed.
Andrew closed his eyes as well, and started making Ignatius's symbol on the air, the way a priest purifies water. He then saw -with eyes still closed- that the symbol was on fire from the energy it accepted.
"Mirror and candle" Andrew and Iris said.
They placed the mirror in the middle of the symbol, then lit a candle and placed it in the middle of the mirror.
Andrew smiled. Indeed, the mirror was a receiver of ten time the energy the symbol could bear.
After two and a half minutes, they all felt that something was there.
Iris, eyes-closed still, said that she heard and felt him.
Raven said he did so too.
Andrew looked at the mirror, and then his gaze followed the dark, shadowy, semi-material silhouette that he knew was Ignatius. He opened his mouth to talk. His voice was coarse. The voice of someone who hadn't talked for years, and hadn't drank any water for an equal amount of time.
He was looking right in the eyes of Ignatius. Or at least, where the eyes should have been.
Then, a moment of complete black. Andrew lost his connection to this world.
He saw Ignatius's figure in front of him. Andrew ran towards him and hugged him, crying.
"Oh, Ignatius! My beloved friend! I'm Sorry! I know that doesn't change anything, but it was not me! I was not myself! I-"
"It's alright, Jack. Don't worry. Really."
Andrew sat there, looking at Ignatius's beautiful eyes, and actually thought for a moment that he wasn't who he was right now. He looked at his hands and noticed he was wearing gloves. Mister Jack's gloves. He looked down, and he was wearing boots. Mister Jack's boots. He heard something ticking lowly from the pocket of his coat. Held it in his hand and opened it: a pocket watch. He scratched his chin. No long-since-shaved facial hair. Only a well preserved circle beard.
He looked at Ignatius again.
"I was a fool... If only i had more control!"
" I already told you. It is alright. It had to be like this. We reached our zenith, and we needed to fall a distance equal to the one we ascended. You did what was best at the time."
Jack was shedding tears again.
"F.. Forgive me, my friend..."
"I do, Jack. I forgive you. You are free. And you have my eternal gratitude for being so close to me."
Jack's face brightened up. He wiped the tears off with the back side of his glove, and hugged Ignatius again.
"Thank you my friend. Thank you."
Ignatius smiled, and started walking away.
Jack took his top hat and held it on his chest, as he watched Ignatius go.
And suddenly, the darkness faded away, giving its place to light, and a well known voice.
"-tell us! How can we reach it!"
I am Jack's Rapid Eye Movement.
"Tell us! How can we do it?" Quetz shouts.
Andrew was still looking at where Ignatius eyes were. He then realized that everyone was looking at him, especially Quetz, who was seemingly asking him.
Andrew looked at him, then at his hands, at his feet, and where his coat's pocket would have been.
"I think we lost him." Raven says. Iris agreed.
Quetz lowered his eyes, and let out a small sigh.
"C'est finnit." Andrew declares.
And if that certain someone decided to stay long enough for this to end, he would consider himself changed.
Nothing was solved.
Andrew later knew, without anyone telling him, that while he was seeking redemption from Ignatius as Jack, he was also being a vessel for Ignatius's words. He answered every question except the half. he didn't even remember what the question was.
They were wiser now. It was always like this. Nothing was solved. They just had a little more of those long lost pieces to complete the never-ending puzzle that was unlocking the power to bind the world to one's will.
Andrew smiled. It was that bitter smile again. He was, unaware of it, one step closer to his homeland.
He then lost himself in the beauty of the evening.
Smirking and walking in a fast pace, he thought about what would really be done that night. He thought of Iris, he thought of Quetz, he thought about Jack, Fox and the others.
Reaching the doorstep he closed his eyes and lifted his head, which was something that helped him calm. Though he didn't have a clue when was the first time he actually thought of doing that, or when it was that it actually calmed him for the first time.
He rang the doorbell. Not long after, Quetz's brother opened the door, greeted Andrew with a smile, and showed him that both Quetz and Iris were downstairs.
I am Jack's Complete lack of surprise, Andrew thought.
He nodded, and Quetz's brother vanished from sight in a few seconds. Then, Andrew descended the stairs and went to the small and a little damp room he has come to know eyes closed, love with half his brain and half his heart, and get used to as if it was his own room.
He knocked and entered. When you enter a room that you consider yours, you never wait for any other person's approval.
The moment he opens the door, Iris was on the other side, like him thinking she was the only one opening the door at the moment. They hugged. Andrew closed his eyes for about a second, then opened them again and looked at Quetz. A serious look in their face, they nodded.
Once the embrace was over, they sat down and started to talk.
"I'm so happy!" Iris says.
Again, I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
"We did it! We called forth Ignatius!"
Andrew turned to look at Quetz. Supposing that they thought Cornelius was the key to everything, he didn't look so happy, or calm for that matter.
"I didn't see him. I didn't hear him. Iris did all the job. She saw him. She talked to him. She heard him." Quetz announced. Of all the times he talked, 80% of it seemed as if he was announcing something, rather than talking to you about it. His word was law. But laws are to be changed, updated or deleted, accordingly.
Andrew turns his head towards Iris.
She opened her mouth to say something, but again Quetz was the one speaking.
"One and a bloody half hour. Of what? Of an idiotic treasure-hunt! He -if what Iris is true- was mocking as, playing with us, telling us absurd riddles and telling us what we already know. One. And a half. Hours. Walking around blindly looking for a pin in hay. I don't need this. We want clear, straight up answers. We are only going to do this one more time and if the same things happen, then it's over. I have neither the time nor the mood to keep this thing up."
Andrew shrugged and rolled his eyes a bit.
"We have decided-"
Raven came in through the door.
I am Jack's misinformed negligence.
Raven greets us all with his professional little smile. Andrew always thought that his name didn't suit him. Raven is a cool name for a goth. For a metalhead. For a forgotten artist that used to play dark music after midnight, so loud the neighbors all called the police at the same time. But he, he was not any of these. He was the exact opposite. A preacher of holiness and divination, a priest-angel that was here to commune with his god, or God according to him, and to unlock the secrets of magic as well.
Raven.
He did wear black though, and he was tall and slim. Maybe that was it, Andrew thought.
The important thing was that he was in front of them, and he was waiting for something.
"Sit." Quetz showed him a chair. Raven Sat.
"As I was saying, we are here together to try again. One last time."
He went on and on and on. Things they all knew. Things they all concluded to, maybe not so long ago.
Andrew was lost in his thoughts: Ignatius. Iris. Jack. At some point, he saw them all stand up and figured it was time for that last try. But no. Quetz wanted something more.
"We need a symbol of clarity. A symbol that will allow us to see him, hear him, talk to him, and for him to tell us the truth, clearly, and without riddles."
Iris looked at him.
"What I mean is, if you are the only one that sees and hears him, then boom. All gone. We want to have communication with him. All of us."
Iris nodded.
I am Jack's wall-breaking boredom and tiredness.
"No." Andrew said.
"What we need is a way to store more energy. If you did your best, and still Ignatius was comprehended by only Iris, then we need to add more energy and help him help us. More energy, more Ignatius. Simple, and as always underneath our noses."
Quetz agreed. Iris too. Raven couldn't dream of disagreeing.
It was decided then. Using their new resources they started again.
Andrew looked at them. They all closed their eyes. Quetz made some signs in the air, but he must have been joking, because they were -seemingly- random, and he was half laughing. Raven was taking his usual stance, as if he had killed a thousand men and craved redemption. Iris was stretched over on Quetz's bed, and she too had her eyes closed.
All of them, each one using a different gesture, were pointing towards the large, charcoal-drawn symbol. If someone had watched them, he would laugh his heart out. If that certain someone decided to stay long enough for this to end, he would consider himself changed.
Andrew closed his eyes as well, and started making Ignatius's symbol on the air, the way a priest purifies water. He then saw -with eyes still closed- that the symbol was on fire from the energy it accepted.
"Mirror and candle" Andrew and Iris said.
They placed the mirror in the middle of the symbol, then lit a candle and placed it in the middle of the mirror.
Andrew smiled. Indeed, the mirror was a receiver of ten time the energy the symbol could bear.
After two and a half minutes, they all felt that something was there.
Iris, eyes-closed still, said that she heard and felt him.
Raven said he did so too.
Andrew looked at the mirror, and then his gaze followed the dark, shadowy, semi-material silhouette that he knew was Ignatius. He opened his mouth to talk. His voice was coarse. The voice of someone who hadn't talked for years, and hadn't drank any water for an equal amount of time.
He was looking right in the eyes of Ignatius. Or at least, where the eyes should have been.
Then, a moment of complete black. Andrew lost his connection to this world.
He saw Ignatius's figure in front of him. Andrew ran towards him and hugged him, crying.
"Oh, Ignatius! My beloved friend! I'm Sorry! I know that doesn't change anything, but it was not me! I was not myself! I-"
"It's alright, Jack. Don't worry. Really."
Andrew sat there, looking at Ignatius's beautiful eyes, and actually thought for a moment that he wasn't who he was right now. He looked at his hands and noticed he was wearing gloves. Mister Jack's gloves. He looked down, and he was wearing boots. Mister Jack's boots. He heard something ticking lowly from the pocket of his coat. Held it in his hand and opened it: a pocket watch. He scratched his chin. No long-since-shaved facial hair. Only a well preserved circle beard.
He looked at Ignatius again.
"I was a fool... If only i had more control!"
" I already told you. It is alright. It had to be like this. We reached our zenith, and we needed to fall a distance equal to the one we ascended. You did what was best at the time."
Jack was shedding tears again.
"F.. Forgive me, my friend..."
"I do, Jack. I forgive you. You are free. And you have my eternal gratitude for being so close to me."
Jack's face brightened up. He wiped the tears off with the back side of his glove, and hugged Ignatius again.
"Thank you my friend. Thank you."
Ignatius smiled, and started walking away.
Jack took his top hat and held it on his chest, as he watched Ignatius go.
And suddenly, the darkness faded away, giving its place to light, and a well known voice.
"-tell us! How can we reach it!"
I am Jack's Rapid Eye Movement.
"Tell us! How can we do it?" Quetz shouts.
Andrew was still looking at where Ignatius eyes were. He then realized that everyone was looking at him, especially Quetz, who was seemingly asking him.
Andrew looked at him, then at his hands, at his feet, and where his coat's pocket would have been.
"I think we lost him." Raven says. Iris agreed.
Quetz lowered his eyes, and let out a small sigh.
"C'est finnit." Andrew declares.
And if that certain someone decided to stay long enough for this to end, he would consider himself changed.
Nothing was solved.
Andrew later knew, without anyone telling him, that while he was seeking redemption from Ignatius as Jack, he was also being a vessel for Ignatius's words. He answered every question except the half. he didn't even remember what the question was.
They were wiser now. It was always like this. Nothing was solved. They just had a little more of those long lost pieces to complete the never-ending puzzle that was unlocking the power to bind the world to one's will.
Andrew smiled. It was that bitter smile again. He was, unaware of it, one step closer to his homeland.
He then lost himself in the beauty of the evening.
Τρίτη, 11 Σεπτεμβρίου 2007
Part Five,b: Smirk.
Andrew looks outside the massive windows that cover the black room, barren, lifeless and empty of furniture room.
He smirked.
Chris was standing right beside him. He wasn't there a second ago. He wasn't anywhere a second ago. But once he was there, standing beside Andrew, making the same smirk, breathing at the same time as him (not that he had to breathe), standing with his weight on the same foot as him, and looking at the same places as him, he was always there.
Andrew let a small, muffled sound of laughter. It was a bitter, internal sound, made to show neither happiness, nor comfort, not even warmth.
Chris let out the exact same sound, as if Andrew had laughed that little bitter laugh one more time, only through Chris's mouth.
"It's only after you've lost everything-" Andrew started.
"-That you're free to do anything." Chris finished.
They both smirked again.
Andrew fell backwards, slowly as if someone had put the world in slow motion, and instead of landing on his back, he found himself sitting in a comfortable, black, leather sofa. His eyes never left the window. So did Chris's.
"I believe, dear friend. That we have never been so close to the bottom before. Never before did we fall so much. Never Before did we hurt so much, that our bodies, and especially our brains could not accumulate any more pain, and we felt invincible.
We are close to the bottom. Yet where we are now, we can't even imagine what the bottom will be like. We have absolutely nothing to lose. Nothing that we care about so much that it will be a loss if we actually lost it. Except maybe Quetz.
We are all, but we are nothing. As below so above. We only lose what we gain. We may even gain more.
Ladies and gentlemen! Come! See the man that left his world! The man that hurt his Angel, his Goddess, his Muse, his Breath and Soul, the one who held his heart! The man who hurt her so bad, she thinks he is an asshole. The man who is on his way down and he's going mighty fine, if I may say so myself!"
Andrew laughed again, a little more heartily, but still, bitter enough to make a wall cry, and a bolt of iron bend.
Chris spoke now.
"Deliver us from material possession. Deliver us from unwanted everyday needs of the middle worm. Only after disaster can we be ressurected. Nothing is static. Everything is falling apart. You are not your bank accounts,. You are not the clothes you wear. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your bowel cancer. You are not your grande latte. You are not the car you drive. You are not your fucking khakis. You have to give up. You have to realize that someday you'll die. Untill you know that, you are useless to us."
Andrew smiled. He was boiling with passion unknown to many.
"Tyler Durden" he said.
"Chuck Palahniuk" Chris said, grinning.
"Amen brother. Amen."
He smirked.
Chris was standing right beside him. He wasn't there a second ago. He wasn't anywhere a second ago. But once he was there, standing beside Andrew, making the same smirk, breathing at the same time as him (not that he had to breathe), standing with his weight on the same foot as him, and looking at the same places as him, he was always there.
Andrew let a small, muffled sound of laughter. It was a bitter, internal sound, made to show neither happiness, nor comfort, not even warmth.
Chris let out the exact same sound, as if Andrew had laughed that little bitter laugh one more time, only through Chris's mouth.
"It's only after you've lost everything-" Andrew started.
"-That you're free to do anything." Chris finished.
They both smirked again.
Andrew fell backwards, slowly as if someone had put the world in slow motion, and instead of landing on his back, he found himself sitting in a comfortable, black, leather sofa. His eyes never left the window. So did Chris's.
"I believe, dear friend. That we have never been so close to the bottom before. Never before did we fall so much. Never Before did we hurt so much, that our bodies, and especially our brains could not accumulate any more pain, and we felt invincible.
We are close to the bottom. Yet where we are now, we can't even imagine what the bottom will be like. We have absolutely nothing to lose. Nothing that we care about so much that it will be a loss if we actually lost it. Except maybe Quetz.
We are all, but we are nothing. As below so above. We only lose what we gain. We may even gain more.
Ladies and gentlemen! Come! See the man that left his world! The man that hurt his Angel, his Goddess, his Muse, his Breath and Soul, the one who held his heart! The man who hurt her so bad, she thinks he is an asshole. The man who is on his way down and he's going mighty fine, if I may say so myself!"
Andrew laughed again, a little more heartily, but still, bitter enough to make a wall cry, and a bolt of iron bend.
Chris spoke now.
"Deliver us from material possession. Deliver us from unwanted everyday needs of the middle worm. Only after disaster can we be ressurected. Nothing is static. Everything is falling apart. You are not your bank accounts,. You are not the clothes you wear. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your bowel cancer. You are not your grande latte. You are not the car you drive. You are not your fucking khakis. You have to give up. You have to realize that someday you'll die. Untill you know that, you are useless to us."
Andrew smiled. He was boiling with passion unknown to many.
"Tyler Durden" he said.
"Chuck Palahniuk" Chris said, grinning.
"Amen brother. Amen."
Δευτέρα, 10 Σεπτεμβρίου 2007
Part Five: First Morning
Andrew opened his eyes, and looked at his watch.
14:15.
Why has time become such an important thing for him? Nevertheless, it would soon cease to be so.
But then again, no. School was starting.
Again.
Andrew shook his head, got up, and was a little surprised to see that his feet were weaker than any other day he woke up.
He walked to the bathroom. He turned on the light (there was no way he could see anything without light, having just woken up), he took a piss, he washed his hands, and then he looked in the mirror.
Eyes red, and around them black circles even a panda bear would envy, his skin pale, the color of someone who has died a little while ago but probably paid little to no attention to it, and kept doing what he always did.
He stroked his hair a bit.
It was absolutely no use. The infinite mess that he called hair was there to stay, exactly as messy as it wanted.
Andrew shrugged, and turned around to leave. He didn't brush his teeth. He wouldn't be bothered to.
He greeted his mother with a slow and nearly silent "mhmm hmmhmm", and went back to his room.
He looked at the first thirty two pages of Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club he had printed (and read) yesterday, and he let a little smile.
Even he didn't know why.
"Gooooood moring, Vietnam" he said as he closed the door.
Three faces looked at him, sorrow, pain, and anger depicted on them as obvious as wearing a sign about each one's feelings.
Fox was wearing black. Now that's something Andrew didn't see every day.
Solidus was wearing white. Andrew knew that where other people wore black to show their sorrow, Solidus wore white. Otherwise, he would seem to be in eternal mourning.
Chris... Well, Chris was wearing a formal costume, which showed a lot, given that Chris never even wore a shirt.
They all looked at him.
"And how is the lovely bunch today?" Andrew asked.
Fox raised an eyebrow.
"How do you suppose we are? We haven't been like this for a very long time. And you had to go and spoil it all. Ruin it all." Fox was really, really in a bad mood.
"It was crucial. As well as inevitable. It was not entirely the boy's fault." Solidus said.
"And I believe you are forgetting, dear Fox, that I didn't do it. We did this together. All of us." Andrew said, an expression of apathy drawn on his face.
"Solidus? How about you?"
"I have been worse, kid. But I have been better as well. Worry not about me. Worry more about yourself, and where you go from here."
Andrew nodded.
"Chris?"
Chris looked towards the windows, but because he was still wearing his goggles that hid his eyes from sight, he had to point at them.
Andrew looked at the windows. He was again in the room with no doors or exits save for the windows. The town was living its fast paced life as usual, and despite the fact that it was noon, the sky was that of a really dark evening turning into night.
He started paying attention to the clouds, and then realized what it was that Chris was showing him.
The clouds were moving in an abnormally fast pace, only to gather in the middle of the sky and form the face of someone wearing a crown of thorns on his head. The cloudy figure of the man turned a piece of it to red, which looked like sliding down his cheek from his eye, as if he cried a tear of blood.
Andrew looked at Chris. They both nodded.
He walked around a little, seemingly thinking about something. Then he stopped, and he clapped his hands once, in the manner of one who has thought things over and has come up with an interesting solution.
"My good friends. I feel your sorrow deep inside, as much as you feel mine. Yesterday, we walked into the edge of a cliff, and we dived. We had no regrets. No worries. No hard feelings. Not anymore.
And despite all of the laws of this world, despite the Anima Mundi, despite what passes for common knowledge, that once you fall, you die, we knew better. We took that otherwise final step, with no sorrow, and no happiness to it. Exactly like Odin when he plucked out his own eye and threw it in the Well Of Mimir, trading it for all the knowledge in the world, stating his place as Father of Gods (at least until someone else stole the title from him).
Despite all chances, we survived. We lie there, in the depths of our would-be grave, and we are powerless. Full of wounds. Broken bones. Our heads hurt like someone hit us with a sledgehammer repeatedly. Yet, inside, we start to see..
We begin to realize, that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. That, and the fall did not kill us. Imagine. When our wounds are healed. When the pain stops. When our heads ache no more. Then, we will be stronger. And we will continue our quest for knowledge, power, and control. Three things, that are barely distinguished from each other by a very fine line.
Like the first monkeys shot into space. We take the knife and we sacrifice our selves, only to return stronger. To help others be strong. To awaken and help others reach awakening, as well as learning from others, and awakening with their help.
As for.."
Now Andrew looked down, bitterly, not because he thought he was hurt (he didn't mind), but because he felt that he had hurt her. So did the others, and a few seconds afterwards, Andrew continued.
"As for our beloved Stephanie. It appears that in this leap of faith, we forced her to jump with us, only from the exact opposite side of the cliff. But she fell. And she broke bones, she gained bruises, and she aches, just like us. And maybe even more so.
But.
What has risen, may fall.
What has fallen, may, and will rise again.
Therefore, if we assume that this was something more than a traumatic experience for her, she will definitely gain knowledge from this leap of faith, as i said before.
Brothers. We have to be strong. We all know it is a terrible loss, but we also know, that it's only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything. We must be patient, and await our recovery from this sad state of affairs, which we have brought to ourselves, as much as we did to Stephanie.
We have endured much. So have others. What distinguishes us from others, is the fact that we have come to understand our pain. To learn from it consciously. We have actually learned to learn. Be the teacher pain, loss, suffering, a simple mistake, or the joy of the world. We are survivors. And we -"
The door to Andrew's room opened, and in came his father, with his enormous belly, and the silly grin he always had on his face.
"How is my young little lad? Eh? What's up? How you doin'?" He said, his gigantic stomach bouncing up and down as he spoke.
Andrew looked at him in a manner that you look at someone when they either bother you for absolutely no reason, interrupting something they would never dream of understanding, you want them tortured immediately for this blasphemy, or all of the above.
His father's mouth closed, and he walked out of the room, slowly.
Fox, Chris and Solidus were shaking their heads.
"And we will continue to be so.." Andrew said, eyes closed and eyebrows lowered.
They all nodded in agreement.
Andrew went to the windows to look outside.
He thought that somewhere out there, even if that somewhere was nowhere near by human standards, there was she.
Self improvement, he thought, was self-destruction.
As above so below.
He turned around to see the others.
Solidus was wearing gray.
Chris had thrown away the all the parts of the formal costume he didn't need, he had cut the pants (probably using his hands) so that they looked like shorts, and he had undone all the buttons of his shirt.
Fox was staring at the floor. he let a small sigh, and suddenly the black coat he was wearing turned to it's usual leathery brown. He left the remaining attire black.
Andrew smiled, and turned around to face the windows again, lost in his thoughts.
14:15.
Why has time become such an important thing for him? Nevertheless, it would soon cease to be so.
But then again, no. School was starting.
Again.
Andrew shook his head, got up, and was a little surprised to see that his feet were weaker than any other day he woke up.
He walked to the bathroom. He turned on the light (there was no way he could see anything without light, having just woken up), he took a piss, he washed his hands, and then he looked in the mirror.
Eyes red, and around them black circles even a panda bear would envy, his skin pale, the color of someone who has died a little while ago but probably paid little to no attention to it, and kept doing what he always did.
He stroked his hair a bit.
It was absolutely no use. The infinite mess that he called hair was there to stay, exactly as messy as it wanted.
Andrew shrugged, and turned around to leave. He didn't brush his teeth. He wouldn't be bothered to.
He greeted his mother with a slow and nearly silent "mhmm hmmhmm", and went back to his room.
He looked at the first thirty two pages of Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club he had printed (and read) yesterday, and he let a little smile.
Even he didn't know why.
"Gooooood moring, Vietnam" he said as he closed the door.
Three faces looked at him, sorrow, pain, and anger depicted on them as obvious as wearing a sign about each one's feelings.
Fox was wearing black. Now that's something Andrew didn't see every day.
Solidus was wearing white. Andrew knew that where other people wore black to show their sorrow, Solidus wore white. Otherwise, he would seem to be in eternal mourning.
Chris... Well, Chris was wearing a formal costume, which showed a lot, given that Chris never even wore a shirt.
They all looked at him.
"And how is the lovely bunch today?" Andrew asked.
Fox raised an eyebrow.
"How do you suppose we are? We haven't been like this for a very long time. And you had to go and spoil it all. Ruin it all." Fox was really, really in a bad mood.
"It was crucial. As well as inevitable. It was not entirely the boy's fault." Solidus said.
"And I believe you are forgetting, dear Fox, that I didn't do it. We did this together. All of us." Andrew said, an expression of apathy drawn on his face.
"Solidus? How about you?"
"I have been worse, kid. But I have been better as well. Worry not about me. Worry more about yourself, and where you go from here."
Andrew nodded.
"Chris?"
Chris looked towards the windows, but because he was still wearing his goggles that hid his eyes from sight, he had to point at them.
Andrew looked at the windows. He was again in the room with no doors or exits save for the windows. The town was living its fast paced life as usual, and despite the fact that it was noon, the sky was that of a really dark evening turning into night.
He started paying attention to the clouds, and then realized what it was that Chris was showing him.
The clouds were moving in an abnormally fast pace, only to gather in the middle of the sky and form the face of someone wearing a crown of thorns on his head. The cloudy figure of the man turned a piece of it to red, which looked like sliding down his cheek from his eye, as if he cried a tear of blood.
Andrew looked at Chris. They both nodded.
He walked around a little, seemingly thinking about something. Then he stopped, and he clapped his hands once, in the manner of one who has thought things over and has come up with an interesting solution.
"My good friends. I feel your sorrow deep inside, as much as you feel mine. Yesterday, we walked into the edge of a cliff, and we dived. We had no regrets. No worries. No hard feelings. Not anymore.
And despite all of the laws of this world, despite the Anima Mundi, despite what passes for common knowledge, that once you fall, you die, we knew better. We took that otherwise final step, with no sorrow, and no happiness to it. Exactly like Odin when he plucked out his own eye and threw it in the Well Of Mimir, trading it for all the knowledge in the world, stating his place as Father of Gods (at least until someone else stole the title from him).
Despite all chances, we survived. We lie there, in the depths of our would-be grave, and we are powerless. Full of wounds. Broken bones. Our heads hurt like someone hit us with a sledgehammer repeatedly. Yet, inside, we start to see..
We begin to realize, that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. That, and the fall did not kill us. Imagine. When our wounds are healed. When the pain stops. When our heads ache no more. Then, we will be stronger. And we will continue our quest for knowledge, power, and control. Three things, that are barely distinguished from each other by a very fine line.
Like the first monkeys shot into space. We take the knife and we sacrifice our selves, only to return stronger. To help others be strong. To awaken and help others reach awakening, as well as learning from others, and awakening with their help.
As for.."
Now Andrew looked down, bitterly, not because he thought he was hurt (he didn't mind), but because he felt that he had hurt her. So did the others, and a few seconds afterwards, Andrew continued.
"As for our beloved Stephanie. It appears that in this leap of faith, we forced her to jump with us, only from the exact opposite side of the cliff. But she fell. And she broke bones, she gained bruises, and she aches, just like us. And maybe even more so.
But.
What has risen, may fall.
What has fallen, may, and will rise again.
Therefore, if we assume that this was something more than a traumatic experience for her, she will definitely gain knowledge from this leap of faith, as i said before.
Brothers. We have to be strong. We all know it is a terrible loss, but we also know, that it's only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything. We must be patient, and await our recovery from this sad state of affairs, which we have brought to ourselves, as much as we did to Stephanie.
We have endured much. So have others. What distinguishes us from others, is the fact that we have come to understand our pain. To learn from it consciously. We have actually learned to learn. Be the teacher pain, loss, suffering, a simple mistake, or the joy of the world. We are survivors. And we -"
The door to Andrew's room opened, and in came his father, with his enormous belly, and the silly grin he always had on his face.
"How is my young little lad? Eh? What's up? How you doin'?" He said, his gigantic stomach bouncing up and down as he spoke.
Andrew looked at him in a manner that you look at someone when they either bother you for absolutely no reason, interrupting something they would never dream of understanding, you want them tortured immediately for this blasphemy, or all of the above.
His father's mouth closed, and he walked out of the room, slowly.
Fox, Chris and Solidus were shaking their heads.
"And we will continue to be so.." Andrew said, eyes closed and eyebrows lowered.
They all nodded in agreement.
Andrew went to the windows to look outside.
He thought that somewhere out there, even if that somewhere was nowhere near by human standards, there was she.
Self improvement, he thought, was self-destruction.
As above so below.
He turned around to see the others.
Solidus was wearing gray.
Chris had thrown away the all the parts of the formal costume he didn't need, he had cut the pants (probably using his hands) so that they looked like shorts, and he had undone all the buttons of his shirt.
Fox was staring at the floor. he let a small sigh, and suddenly the black coat he was wearing turned to it's usual leathery brown. He left the remaining attire black.
Andrew smiled, and turned around to face the windows again, lost in his thoughts.
Κυριακή, 09 Σεπτεμβρίου 2007
Σάββατο, 08 Σεπτεμβρίου 2007
Part Four: Godmother's Birthday.
Andrew held the bunch of flowers he just bought a little while ago from the flower shop in his left hand, and rang the doorbell of his Godmother's apartment.
A short pause, the sound of the door being unlocked, and then his godmother, wearing her nightdress, looked at the unexpected visitor with a gaze full of curiosity and astonishment.
Andrew gave her the flowers.
"This is for you, my most charming lady." he smiled
His godmother smiled, and thanking him with sentences so many and long that she lost him a little after the first two "thank you"s, took the flowers and showed him the balcony table where he went and sat.
"So, what's up, Alex?" Andrew said, clearly happy about their meeting.
His godmother's name was Alexandra, and she was just turning 32. She had middle-length curly brown hair, and a friendly little face. Andrew has known her since she was 28, so they were really familiar with each other. They were more friends than godmother-godson. So, Andrew always talked to her absolutely casually, as he would to any other friend of his.
Alexandra was going here and there, sweeping and moping.
"I'm very sorry for the mess, I'm cleaning up because I'm waiting for some people to come by this evening.." She said.
Andrew laughed.
"Please, Alex, as if we are strangers, and i will judge you solely out of the act of cleaning your house, which in any way shows that you are a good housewife."
They both laughed.
"These flowers are really pretty! How many lilliums are in there?"
"I'd say ten. Didn't count them. I also told the guy to put two roses in there. One for you, and one for George*."
"Lovely! Thank you ever so much!"
Andrew made a small sign with his hand, indicating that it was no big deal.
"Coffee?" Alex asked.
"Yes please! One of your delicious Fredos will do just fine."
Andrew checked his watch.
18:45.
Just on time, he thought.
He continued walking towards one of Rhodos's ** greatest structures, the Aquarium. He knew that his most precious angel was there, unaware of his presence on the island which she visited for just two days.
Steph...
His smile grew wider and he was walking faster now. He checked his mobile phone to make sure he had credit.
After listening to the boring voice of the answering machine, he put his mobile back in his pocket, and shrugged.
At least it's enough for a call. It won't be a long one anyway.
It was a sunny, cloudless day, though he could have sworn that the month was one of the winter ones. He didn't stop to think that it was September.
He bought a ticket, told the guy to keep the change and went inside the aquarium.
That place held many memories for him, for the limited and rare times he had visited Rhodos, he always went there to see the many species of fish the aquarium held, and especially that shark, which got bigger and bigger every time he visited.
Irrelevant.
He continued walking, and took a right in the little junction there was at some point. He'd end up in the same room anyway.
He saw her.
My love, my angel, my breath and soul, my muse, my Steph...
His heart was beating faster than that time he got hit by a car (but obviously survived).
He heard her voice, a voice that could not be mistaken for any other, for no other voice held so much melody and music in his ears as hers.
He took his mobile in his hand and pressed some buttons in less than a second.
It was ringing.
The girl in front of him picked up her phone.
A soft "Yes?" was heard from both his phone and from in front of him.
"Look behind you."
The girl did what she was told and her eyes, as well as her mouth opened in surprise.
"Andrew!"
He quickly moved towards her, as she did so towards him, and they embraced each other in a passionate and-
"-ilk in your coffee?" Alex said.
Andrew tried to focus, but the best he could do was look at his godmother and let out a primal sound that sounded like "wha'?"
"I asked: do would you like some milk in your coffee?" Alex said, a little impatiently.
"Huh? Oh, yes. Yes. Milk. Coffee. That." Was Andrew's response.
"Is something wrong? I've been talking to you for at least five minutes and Ididn't get any answer.. You were lost in your very own space-time continuum again, Andy."
Andrew looked around. No Steph. No Aquarium. Nowhere close to Rhodos. It was barely beyond 17:00, and it was September the 8th.
He took the coffee Alex made him and started drinking, lost in the thought that all he experienced was, too, just a thought.
Alex asked him something.
Andrew didn't get a single word. In fact, he could have sworn that someone has asked him about something, but that was that. No sign of comprehension beyond that.
"Yes. It's really good. Thank you" He finally managed to say.
*George: Alex's husband.
**Rhodos: A Greek island. Not to be confused with Rhode Island.
A short pause, the sound of the door being unlocked, and then his godmother, wearing her nightdress, looked at the unexpected visitor with a gaze full of curiosity and astonishment.
Andrew gave her the flowers.
"This is for you, my most charming lady." he smiled
His godmother smiled, and thanking him with sentences so many and long that she lost him a little after the first two "thank you"s, took the flowers and showed him the balcony table where he went and sat.
"So, what's up, Alex?" Andrew said, clearly happy about their meeting.
His godmother's name was Alexandra, and she was just turning 32. She had middle-length curly brown hair, and a friendly little face. Andrew has known her since she was 28, so they were really familiar with each other. They were more friends than godmother-godson. So, Andrew always talked to her absolutely casually, as he would to any other friend of his.
Alexandra was going here and there, sweeping and moping.
"I'm very sorry for the mess, I'm cleaning up because I'm waiting for some people to come by this evening.." She said.
Andrew laughed.
"Please, Alex, as if we are strangers, and i will judge you solely out of the act of cleaning your house, which in any way shows that you are a good housewife."
They both laughed.
"These flowers are really pretty! How many lilliums are in there?"
"I'd say ten. Didn't count them. I also told the guy to put two roses in there. One for you, and one for George*."
"Lovely! Thank you ever so much!"
Andrew made a small sign with his hand, indicating that it was no big deal.
"Coffee?" Alex asked.
"Yes please! One of your delicious Fredos will do just fine."
Andrew checked his watch.
18:45.
Just on time, he thought.
He continued walking towards one of Rhodos's ** greatest structures, the Aquarium. He knew that his most precious angel was there, unaware of his presence on the island which she visited for just two days.
Steph...
His smile grew wider and he was walking faster now. He checked his mobile phone to make sure he had credit.
After listening to the boring voice of the answering machine, he put his mobile back in his pocket, and shrugged.
At least it's enough for a call. It won't be a long one anyway.
It was a sunny, cloudless day, though he could have sworn that the month was one of the winter ones. He didn't stop to think that it was September.
He bought a ticket, told the guy to keep the change and went inside the aquarium.
That place held many memories for him, for the limited and rare times he had visited Rhodos, he always went there to see the many species of fish the aquarium held, and especially that shark, which got bigger and bigger every time he visited.
Irrelevant.
He continued walking, and took a right in the little junction there was at some point. He'd end up in the same room anyway.
He saw her.
My love, my angel, my breath and soul, my muse, my Steph...
His heart was beating faster than that time he got hit by a car (but obviously survived).
He heard her voice, a voice that could not be mistaken for any other, for no other voice held so much melody and music in his ears as hers.
He took his mobile in his hand and pressed some buttons in less than a second.
It was ringing.
The girl in front of him picked up her phone.
A soft "Yes?" was heard from both his phone and from in front of him.
"Look behind you."
The girl did what she was told and her eyes, as well as her mouth opened in surprise.
"Andrew!"
He quickly moved towards her, as she did so towards him, and they embraced each other in a passionate and-
"-ilk in your coffee?" Alex said.
Andrew tried to focus, but the best he could do was look at his godmother and let out a primal sound that sounded like "wha'?"
"I asked: do would you like some milk in your coffee?" Alex said, a little impatiently.
"Huh? Oh, yes. Yes. Milk. Coffee. That." Was Andrew's response.
"Is something wrong? I've been talking to you for at least five minutes and Ididn't get any answer.. You were lost in your very own space-time continuum again, Andy."
Andrew looked around. No Steph. No Aquarium. Nowhere close to Rhodos. It was barely beyond 17:00, and it was September the 8th.
He took the coffee Alex made him and started drinking, lost in the thought that all he experienced was, too, just a thought.
Alex asked him something.
Andrew didn't get a single word. In fact, he could have sworn that someone has asked him about something, but that was that. No sign of comprehension beyond that.
"Yes. It's really good. Thank you" He finally managed to say.
*George: Alex's husband.
**Rhodos: A Greek island. Not to be confused with Rhode Island.
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